45 Frases engraçadas em inglês

I told my computer I needed a break, and now it won't stop sending me beach wallpapers.

I asked the librarian if the library had any books on paranoia. She whispered, 'They're right behind you.'

I don't need a hair stylist; my pillow gives me a new hairstyle every morning.

I'm on a seafood diet. I see food and I eat it.

They say money talks, but all mine says is 'Goodbye!'

I put my phone in airplane mode, but it’s still not flying.

Why don't scientists trust atoms? Because they make up everything!

Parallel lines have so much in common. It’s a shame they’ll never meet.

I'm reading a book about anti-gravity. It's impossible to put down!

I told my wife she should embrace her mistakes. She gave me a hug.

The early bird might get the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese.

I would avoid the sushi if I were you. It’s a little fishy.

I’m not arguing, I’m just explaining why I’m right.

I wasn’t originally going to get a brain transplant, but then I changed my mind.

My boss told me to have a good day, so I went home.

I don’t suffer from insanity; I enjoy it.

The difference between a good haircut and a bad haircut is about two weeks.

Why did the scarecrow win an award? Because he was outstanding in his field.

My diet is like a computer program; I never remember to save.

I told my dog he had to get a job; he said he’s already working on his bark-tastic career.

Summer is my favorite season, just like the rest of the year.

If you think nobody cares if you're alive, try missing a couple of payments.

Don't worry if plan A doesn't work out. There are 25 more letters in the alphabet.

I used to think I was indecisive, but now I’m not too sure.

I have a fear of elevators, but I’m taking steps to avoid it.

I told my computer I needed a break. Now it won’t stop sending me beach wallpapers.

Optimists see the glass half full; pessimists see the glass half empty. Programmers just see the glass as twice as big as it needs to be.

Why did the bicycle fall over? Because it was two-tired.

I tried to catch fog yesterday. Mist.

The best part about a Boolean is even if you are wrong, you are only off by a bit.

I’m on a whiskey diet. I’ve lost three days already.

Behind every great man, there is a woman rolling her eyes.

I won’t say I’m a procrastinator, but I’ll probably get back to you in five minutes.

My computer beat me at chess, but it was no match for me at kickboxing.

To the guy who invented zero, thanks for nothing.

I used to be a baker, but I couldn’t make enough dough.

Why don’t some couples go to the gym? Because some relationships don’t work out.

What do you call fake spaghetti? An impasta!

I don’t need a workout plan; my coffee habit keeps me running.

I wanted to lose weight, so I went to the beach, that’s where my trainer lives.

Never trust an atom. They make up everything!

When nothing goes right, go left.

I told my wife she should do lunges to stay in shape. That was a big step forward.